~ What do I do?

I am wondering about something.  Usually I know who to date and when.  I mean it’s my job to know and to give advice.  But this time I am a bit confused and unsure.

I met this guy on GayDating.com which was easy to do because it’s a great site.  He contacted me and for a bit it sort of cooled, but then he got back to me, we talked and decided to meet.  The guy was actually married, with 3 kids, and he had not come out yet but lived a second gay life.  Because of the kind of job he had, he could be out living his real life for a few hours at a time.  And he did.  He used the website of course to find people and he frequented the usual spots to meet guys or meet up with whoever was his latest desire.  The guy looked great on his profile and he said all the right things about what I wanted.  And to him, I did the same.

So we met at a club, had a blast and we did take it to the next level if you get my gist.  And we have had a couple more dates.  Now for me, I am really just looking to have fun.  And I don’t judge anyway.  Married, single, people should be happy and live their lives.  Perhaps others will be quick to object to my friend’s decisions, or at least feel he should be open and still play while married.  I personally think it’s time for all the judging to stop.  For gay or straight or whatever.  Being judgmental is so old.

Now the guy wants to be with me, at least to try and see how it goes.  Maybe it will be a long-term thing, maybe not.  And he says he is willing to settle down with the right gender finally.  But my dilemma is this.  Aside from the fact that I don’t know if that is for me at this time, even if I decide to go along, I don’t want that pressure on me.  If I am the reason he finally comes out and it doesn’t work or worse, it causes all kinds of problems, well, I don’t need that kind of guilt.  I truly do believe people need to be honest with themselves and others, but I also believe in a strong family unit and his kids are young.  So the whole thing has me wondering.  I think it’s good he will finally be real, but I don’t need the headache and worry if it gets messed up.  What would you do?

~ It’s black and white, that black or white does not matter

It is incredible that in this day and age, after all the gay community has gone through over so many, many years that there would be yet another hurdle gay men have to jump and regrettably it is within our own community.  I am talking about bigotry between the races.  Yes, gay white men and gay black men having racial biases against one another.  Think I am joking?  If you know enough than you know that this racism exists.  So why am I bringing it up?

Well, a good buddy of mine just went through this nonsense and he is still stinging from it.  He is black and he found a white guy at a library of all places, and they got to talking and dating.  A couple of the white guy’s white gay friends didn’t like it.  And so, they were downright mean and nasty. One guy even in front of others, and I was there to see, made a derogatory racial comment, not being ashamed in the least to show his ignorance.  What the hell is going on?  Have we not suffered enough bigotry that we have to act like the worst that we have endured?

Being gay is not just a lifestyle, people.  It is awareness.  And it is even a privilege, because it heightens our senses to discrimination of any form, anywhere.  We are still fighting the good fight and losing our lives in Muslim and African countries just because of who we are.  Should we act with the same bigotry amongst ourselves because of who we date?

Years ago, many didn’t like race-mixing with straight relationships.  That era is over for straights. Shouldn’t it be for gays?  Grow up people.

This site has several gay personals pages and I can tell you that all of them have all races and niche within niche gay lifestyle choices.  Take a look and I bet you will find a nice guy whether he is white or black or blue or turquoise.  Here are two you can try: GayDating.com and GayCupid.com.  Find your lover or friend and don’t worry about skin color.

~ Yikes! A story by a guest writer

A month ago, someone I met at a bar told me about a date he had with this guy he had met on a list site, that will remain nameless.  I asked him to write a few paragraphs about it and so this is his story, by him, a guest writer.

Yikes!

As I sucked down my second Margarita, this small guy sits down next to me and says, “Hey that looks great.  I think I will get one of those.”  So he orders it and we begin to chat.  I had just come off a break-up and I could use the company.  Pete, I will call him that but it wasn’t his name, tells me he also was nursing a bad parting of sorts.  He was bi and he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years and wanted to try something different, hence his visit to the gay bar I frequented.

Pete was very blunt.  I mean he came right out and said, “Look, I know this is very forward but I haven’t had sex with a guy in 3 years and I miss it something fierce, and I would love to do something with you.  What do you think?”  I was like, yikes!  Talk about forward.  Look, I like fun just like the next guy, and I have had my share of one-night things, and no doubt I would have more, I guess.  But this was so forward, I didn’t know how to react.  I didn’t come out and say, “No! What’s wrong with you?!”  I actually sat quiet for a few moments and said, “Well, let me think about this.”  And then we both broke out laughing.

Turns out the guy is funny and fun.  We talked for like 2 hours, about his work and mine, about family and friends.  About all kinds of things.  We then left together and walked nearly a mile, talking again.  We actually did not go to anyone’s place for um, after-walking you know what.  We made a date to meet the next night and we did.  And we did the same thing and again, no hanky panky.  Just yet.  We made a date to meet again at the bar 2 days later on Friday night.  And get this.  As soon as he shows up, he says in his blunt way, “You know what?  Let’s get out of here, go to my place and do things that would get us arrested in a Middle East country.”  So we did!  Yikes!

So that was my new friend’s contribution to this site, his story about his encounter.   I liked it and will do more in the future I think.

~ Tom

Last month I was shopping at my local supermarket when I ran into a guy from college I hadn’t seen in years. He looked exactly the same, well not exactly, but pretty close. I mean we all look a bit different when we get older. I always want to tell people who say to me, wow, you look exactly the same as you did 10 years ago, that they are full of it. But I am nice, so I don’t. But I digress.

Anyway, Tom was in my Bio class and we were also lab partners. When we met I didn’t think he was gay. I have pretty good gaydar and had it back then but I missed that one somehow. So I never broached the subject even though I thought the guy was super hot. So we went a whole semester working together, even doing a project together, and neither of us made a move or said anything remotely connected to our lifestyle. I didn’t hide who I was mind you, with me it’s obvious. But we just never said anything about anything. The semester ended and I rarely saw the guy. Sometimes a hi, how are ya in the quad, but otherwise not much. This girl, my sister’s friend told me after the semester was over that Tom was gay. I was like why didn’t he say anything? Well, I didn’t either, so I am just as guilty. (By the way, I got an A in the class, lol.)

So here was Tom standing there with no kidding, a banana in his hand. He didn’t see me approach but as I did, I said, “Hey, is that a banana in your hand or are you just happy to see me.” He first looked puzzled and then a big grin came over his face and he grabbed my hand and arm and said, “Still the jokester I see.” “Yep, that is me,” I told him. I then just came right out and said I had heard he was gay after the course. When Tom said he was I asked why didn’t he tell me? He said he was shy and had just had a bad breakup. Anyway, long story short, Tom was again in a relationship, a happy one, and so, after a few more words, we went our separate ways. But I did give the guy my number and told him to call me should he be free.

And hey, here is a great place you can find a guy, and it is in English, Spanish and Portuguese – GayDating.com.

~ It doesn’t matter

I have been asked many times, and no I am not insulted, what’s it like being gay?  And what’s it like being gay and dating?  And my answer back always is, “What’s it like being straight?  And what’s it like being straight and dating?”  It’s all the same and today I am asked less and less, and acceptance is becoming more and more prevalent.  In most places.  But not in Russia or Iran or places like that.  But that’s another story.

I have to be honest.  When I was younger, I wouldn’t accept who I was, wouldn’t even allow the thought.  Only after high school when I started working and going to college did I finally just let it be.  My parents weren’t too happy when I told them, and surprisingly, my mom was tougher than my dad; I thought she would take it better.  Oh well.  She is still a bit “worried” she says.  Worried.  She can’t say she doesn’t like it, so she says that.  Dad is cool with it.  My older brother and younger sister never had an issue with it.  They are very accepting.

So what’s it like to be gay?  It’s nothing.  I am gay, so what?  Everything is the same except I am gay.  I do everything the same as a straight person, it’s just I choose to be with another guy and not a girl.  I have a bi friend who likes guys and girls and there is nothing wrong with that either.  In fact, there is nothing wrong with anything as long as you aren’t hurting anyone (unless you are into that, and that’s cool too).

So dating and being gay?  Again, no big deal.  In fact, I would venture to say it is easier than being hetero and dating.  So many complications and so much bs I hear about with straight dating.  Jeez.  Because this is not just a dating thing for us, it’s a lifestyle, for the most part, you can find people who are ready for whatever you want, without all the pre-date crap that goes on in the straight community.  Our clubs are more in tune I think for the simple hookup and whatever anyone wants.  We all identify with each other even if we are of different races, ages, etc.  we have this unique bond that is unlike straight people who, if different in any way, have to get past that.  Look, yes, we have our creeps and idiots.  But I do think gay dating is easier, even healthier than straight dating, if that makes sense.  So get out there and enjoy yourself.