~ European vacation

I took a trip to Europe a number of years ago, by myself.  I had come off a bad breakup and so I decided I needed a bit of time to get back to some kind of sanity.  I had 2 weeks vacation time I could take and so, I just picked up and went to 4 places in Europe for 1.5 weeks.  I did get a pretty good deal for an only 2-week notice kind of thing.  I won’t get too much into the travel part of it or the sightseeing part either, although many places I saw and toured were absolutely spectacular.  The trip was for me to recharge my batteries and I also decided I was going to enjoy myself in any way I could.  I had been in what I thought was kind of a strangling relationship for too long and I wanted to get as many men as I wanted.  I know that might sound nasty, but hey, my guy and I were supposed to be in an open thing anyway.  I wasn’t all the while suspecting he was, lol.  So now it was my time to play.  With whoever and whenever and however and any other evers.  🙂

So my planning included aggressively using GayBearDating.com to find my European partners on my trip.  And I mean guys in the sites I would visit and bed down.  Emphasis on bed down.  My stays were in London, Paris, Venice, Barcelona and Lisbon, and in that order.  So I looked for guys in and around those metropolitan areas.  It was very easy to find guys there.  But just because I found them doesn’t mean I would want to be with them.  I still wanted some kind of connection even though this was to be a fun, and get some, time in Western Europe.  And it is always good to be cautious to make sure you will be with a stable OK guy.  I don’t want to be with a psycho even for an hour.  Who would?  So even though there really wasn’t that much time to make these kinds of plans, and also the men on the other side of my inquiries had lives too, I did my best.  And because the site is great, it really wasn’t all that hard to find exactly what I wanted in each of those cities.

There was no guarantee of sex or intimacy but I did make it clear that if things worked out for the one day and or night I had with each guy that if it was mutually OK then we would mutually play.  🙂  Rather than give you names of the men I met, I will refer to them by their cities.  Seems to make sense, lol.  OK.  London was so-so.  Both the city and the guy, lol.  It rained the whole time I was there, stopping as I left, lol.  And the guy London was nice and cute and all that.  But because of my tour bus breaking down, I couldn’t meet him when I was supposed to.  We did meet to get a drink at a pub, but that was just for an hour or so.  Not enough to do any more.  He was a great guy and I hope one day to meet him again.  But no play.  Aside from that, I have great news.  Paris was super hot and horny and wild.  Venice was not as crazy in bed, but he was just fine, in fact perfect after Paris.  Barcelona was a bit self-centered, so high on himself, but hey his body was perfect and he did it all.  Lisbon was a great way to end the trip, being so kind and giving the whole night.

Hey, you don’t have to use GayBearDating.com only for travel to Western Europe, lol, you can find your gay lovers and friends nearby.  Join and see.

~ Queer, yes or no

So is the word “queer” offensive or not?  Great way to start a column, right?  But hey, I have heard some complaints that we use the word on this site.  I have also heard many, many kudos that we do.  There is a fine line I think between what is or is becoming politically correct and what is not.  We here decided to try and be sympathetic to all views and also to be sensitive to words and thoughts.  At the same time, we didn’t want to go too far one way or the other if we thought some were just being too sensitive and even bullying in what they thought was gospel.  We did research and we talked to a lot of people and weighed all factors before we got underway.  We also fine-tuned as we thought necessary.  Things can change, people can change, and we can adjust if needed.  We are not rigid here and we try hard to do things right.

So back to queer.  Is the word offensive?  Derogatory?  Insulting?  “Queer” back in the 16th century, originally meant unusual or different and even now you can sometimes hear it used that way.  In the late 19th century, the word started being used to identify gay people.  At that time it was deemed quite derogatory.  In the late 1980’s, gay activists and scholars “reclaimed” the term to use it as an identity for the gay community, and for some specifically those in the gay community who would not conform to what was becoming a gay political identity as gay people became more accepted and as gay-related violence and other gay-related issues made the news.  Many find it a term of empowerment.  Others say that because of its origins and also because of how some have used it for a type of gay radicalism, the word should not be used.

At one of my first rallies in support of those who had HIV and against gay discrimination, I first heard the protest slogan, “We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it,” shouted by members of the group, Queer Nation.  That was shocking to me at the time, and some of my friends, and so I spent a lot of time talking to three members of the group about the term, queer.  Was it just to shock, to get attention?  And so, perhaps not to be used outside such a type of venue.  Or was the use of that word something more?  Even something prideful.  It was explained to me in a very clear and a times forceful fashion, but with respect, that the term was not just one to irritate and piss people off, but to also make a statement, and was yes, one of pride.  I never forgot hearing the slogan that day and the explanation for it I was given.

It is reminiscent of the song Yankee Doodle.  There are those who say that the song that is best known for the Americans usage of it during the Revolutionary War against the British was actually a British song!  That the British used to sing it to make fun of American soldiers before the war, mocking them, doodle being a derogatory term, like a fool.  You can google it.  During the war, American soldiers used it proudly, especially as they became more and more victorious, and they were only too glad to use it to mock the British’s belief they were a ragtag, useless army.

So there you have it.  Queer was turned around for good, and we believe that.  If you know of someone who dislikes the word, don’t use it.  And you can decide for yourself if you will, of course.  But now you are armed with some information, if you didn’t already know it.  To find an great man who may or may not be happy with the word queer, lol, join GayBearDating.com.  It’s a great gay dating site.

~ The state I’m in

~ The state I’m in

There was a recent study done about the most used words that people use on their dating profile per state.  And I don’t mean regular words, I mean words of consequence.  And it was very interesting.  Some of it made sense, well a lot of it did, and some of it was funny.  The profiles used were for straight and gay and different niches, ethnicities, etc.

Here is a bit of the breakdown.  New England states’ profiles liked things having to do with water and watersports and woods.  Maine was woods.  All of that makes sense except Vermont had kayak as the word with the most frequency. OK, I guess they like that enough over there, lol.  Alabama Georgia liked grilling, lol.  Get that BBQ going.  Ohio and Michigan, bonfires.  Huh?  What the hell are they doing over there?  Kentucky had basketball.  Makes sense.  A couple mountain states and a couple southern states liked hunting.  Now for those of you who think hunting wouldn’t be on any gay profiles, hold on now.  I know of at least two gay guys I have met who were hunters.  I myself wouldn’t want to even handle a gun let alone point it an anything and shoot it.  But hey, it’s because I am a city guy, not because I am wimpy in any way.

Indiana, NASCAR.  Yep.  Four breadbasket states, farming.  Indiana, neighborhood.  Huh?  I thought it would be basketball.  Neighborhood?  Tennessee, porch.  Porch?  What?  Are the good dating folks of the Volunteer State all in their 80’s and sitting on the porch on their rocking chairs reminiscing about how things used to be in the olden days?  Colorado, snowboarding.  Not skiing?  I guess they might have hit more younger people there.  Texas and Oklahoma, oil.  Now I figure it means people talking about being in the oil industry, but all the other state’s words are recreational.  I guess they take that oil seriously over there.  Nevada, casino.  Could be both work and the desire to part with money.  Hiking in Arizona and Washington State.  New Mexico and California, the desert.  New Mexico has some beautiful mountains, I think more amazing then the desert areas, but hell, it’s their state, whatever they like.  And Cali?  The ocean, mountains, all kinds of stuff.  Oh well.

So what’s the point of this?  No point, really.  I thought it was interesting.  And now after you guys (and gals, because I know some do) read this, you will probably purposely stay away from those words just because I used them here, lol.  Hey, just make a good profile and if you want to use zoo in Missouri, (zoo?), go for it.  It’s your profile.  Just make a good one.  And put it on GayBearDating.com.  Then meet a guy and hit downtown – South Carolina.

~ Thank you rain

So it was cold and rainy a lot of the weekend and I don’t know about you, but I am not a fan of rain.  I know there are many who say we need it because we don’t get enough in this part of the country, and I get that, and I know there are just those who like the smell and the sound and all the romance of that.  But it’s a free country and I choose to not like rain, lol.

One thing about the rain, is that depending on how hard it comes down, it seems to have this effect on people in the clubs.  I know that sounds crazy, but I have noticed for a number of years that some guys are either too uptight and irritated because of the rain and the coats and umbrellas, etc., and other guys are downright the opposite, all giddy and happy.  There doesn’t seem to be any in-between temperaments, lol.  Either grumpy or happy.

Anyway, Friday night with some rain pounding down, I went to my usual place, that is when I go, because I have been going less and less lately.  Just getting lazy or I have other things to do.  But the rain made me want to get out, and I am glad it did.  When I got there, the place was half empty.  Made sense with the weather.  And there was the mix of grumpy and happy I was telling you about.  I wanted to be in between, lol, but I couldn’t help but feel grumpy.  Sigh.  I hate having to bring an umbrella and all that.  One time someone took it.  So now I have a bright red one.  🙂  But still, I want to be unencumbered.

As I looked around the club, my eyes settled on a guy sitting alone and I could see he was grumpy.  Well, he sure acted that way.  So I went over and asked if I could sit next to him and if he wanted to chat.  He said OK, and I sat down and we started talking.  Brad was his name, traveling sales was his game, lol.  He was from Sacramento and had some medical sales meeting thing on Monday so he came down earlier to be here for the weekend.  He was between boyfriends like me and we talked about that and we had a great talk actually.  He hated his job, too bad, and he hated the rain, lol.  But he did like the chicken wings and the drinks.

When it hit about 1 AM, we both decided to head home, each of us going to our own places, but we made a date the next day to go to a museum.  And we did even though there was a rain threat.  Well, it wasn’t raining which was nice and we went to the Getty Center.  I like museums and the place was nice.  Not my first time but there is always some kind of new exposition or symposium and that’s great.  Brad was into it too.  After like 4 hours, we ate there, and then went back to town and our separate ways.  Brad was busy Sunday but he said he might be coming back down from Sacramento in a month or so.  Although there were no sparks, it was kind of like pre-sparks, if you know what I mean.  So why not?

Brad is a good guy, stable, centered.  There are many Brads out there and if you can find yours in a club or bar, or supermarket, more power to you.  Do so.  But in this busy world, that may be hard.  So I recommend you join GayBearDating.com.  You will be happy you did.

~ Carnival

I went to my first Halloween in West Hollywood ten years ago.  It was a wild experience.  I am trying to remember if it was called a Carnival at that time.  We just knew it as Halloween in West Hollywood.  I was told after it was over that there were nearly 400,000 people there.  Now the festival gets over 500,000 each year.  I try to go each year if I can, because it’s a blast and all my buddies go.  First we get some dinner and then we just walk around, that is if we don’t hit a club.  We used to dress up, at least a few of us, and that was fun.  We would always try to be topical to the times.  It was just before the 2004 presidential election and there were loads of real and fake politicians there.  Bush, Kerry, others.  Martha Stewart went to jail but not before lots of her were parading down Santa Monica Boulevard.  A few Phil Spectors.  Lots of Scott Petersons.  There were also actors, famous bands and famous DJ’s and food and lots of families too.  That kind of surprised me a bit.  To see so many families and with little kids.  Not that there is anything wrong with anyone coming even though many outfits were very risqué.  But it was so crowded, I would be worried I would lose a kid if I had any and brought them.

Anyway,  the best thing about that 2004 Carnaval was that I met a great guy in the restaurant when me and my buddies were having dinner.  He was sitting at the table next to mine with his buddies and our chairs were so close we just started chatting.  We had a great conversation.  My friends and his didn’t mind that we were talking seemingly being rude with the rest of them because we were both single, between boyfriends, and they found what was going on pretty exciting actually.

His name was Calvin.  Yes like in Calvin Klein but he was not the Calvin Klein, lol.  But get this, he had on a Calvin Klein shirt.  🙂  We agreed to all walk down the street together, none of us were going to dress up that year and parade around in any way.  So after dinner, and it was a good dinner, I had a great steak, we all headed out to make the obligatory pretty much stroll through the throng from one end of the Carnaval to the other.  It was great.  Cal and I, he asked me to call him Cal, really got along well.  At the end of night when we decided at least for all of us, it was over and we were going to our respective homes to get some well-deserved sleep, Cal and I traded phone numbers.

We dated for a few months and then Cal moved out of town.  Oh well.  It was fun, nothing ever got serious, but it was fun.  We did stay in contact and I actually saw him a few weeks ago when he was visiting some friends.  He has a great partner he said and I was happy for him.  Good guy, I am glad he is happy.  You can be happy too, or happier, if you are already happy, by joining GayBearDating.com.  Have fun!

~ Oscar and the fight

Yes, I was at an Oscar party, or an Academy Awards party, whatever you want to call it.    I am not going to talk about the winners and losers or who wore what or who came with who, or what musical numbers were better than others.  There are a zillion opinions and damn, some of those here could not shut the f*** up from the red carpet all through to the end of the show.  I hate that!  Unless I am the one who is doing the talking, because, after all, I have the most correct opinion, right?

I will say that I thought Neil Patrick Harris did a pretty good job as host, he always does that well, but at times to me, he seemed reserved.  Having him get caught and come out in his jockeys, at least to me was stupid.  Reminded me of when Anne Hathaway and James Franco cross-dressed on the 2011 Oscars.  Just plain dumb.  Was I the only one who felt that?  And the case in the box thing fell flat after all the during-the-show hoopla.  And to this day, I still hate that Lego Movie song, Everything Is Awesome.  Right, except for that song.  I didn’t see The Lego Movie so I can’t say whether or not it was awesome.  I had to say this because I so hate that song, and the lyrics are so silly and easy.  Sigh.  Some surprises and some no surprises at the awards, but enough of this.

As the show went on and on and on, as it always does, an argument ensued.  Not because of what was on the TV, but just some nonsense.  And oh, I was at my friend, Carol’s place.  She and her roommate have these parties each year and sometimes there is a theme.  This year it was whatever you wanted or nothing at all.  When she told me nothing at all, I asked if that meant I could come naked, but she said, um no.

So to the argument.  It actually started a little before the show began when this couple got into it a bit.  And it started up again, halfway through.  And it got really bad at the show’s end.  Really bad.  I didn’t know either of them but they were bf ad gf and both showed up as Gustave from the The Grand Budapest Hotel (a movie I really liked a lot by the way).  Well, they were mad at each other for that, wearing the same thing.  I think one of them was supposed to be another character although I wasn’t sure if was the bf or gf and who the character was, lol.  It was a he said, she said thing.  But truly, I think there was a lot more to it.  That seemed too much of a silly issue.  There was a lot more going on.  He arrived before she did, which was already a problem, because she said she was supposed to be picked up.  Then they started yelling at each other.  It stopped when Carol warned them.  But they started up again.  And they took it outside but we still heard them fight.  Then at the end wow, really bad yelling.  Something more going on there.  And how rude!  Straight people, sheesh.

So why did I tell you this??  I don’t know.  Maybe it was because I was happy I was not them or in a relationship like theirs.  Look, gay couples fight too, but I don’t think when we do we are as rude as that straight couple.  And hey, if you are looking for someone, and hopefully a someone with whom you won’t fight, join GayBearDating.com.  You will find your love there.  Be happy and don’t fight!

~ Gyro!

There are a ton of restaurants here in Southern California.  All kinds of food, cuisines from all over the world, and you can even find fast food like this.  If you are from here or have been here you know that.  And if you are coming, you will.  I am not a fan of all the kinds of food, although many people are.  I like the usual American stuff, and Italian, Mexican, Chilean and Greek.  And speaking of Greek, I want to tell you about meeting this guy at a Greek restaurant, he was a waiter there.  His name was Larry.

A couple months back I was with my sister downtown and we were hungry.  It was about 2:30 PM and we decided to go into this Greek place that looked nice.  It was a brick front with someone standing outside next to a whiteboard with a menu on it.  I liked that the board had this neat design on it along with the restaurant name and the day’s special.  It was a grilled chicken gyro stuffed with all kinds of yummy things.  The waiter was about my age and we both knew right away, that the two of us were gay.  And we flirted of course.  My sister was like, “Damn, can you give it a rest even for an hour?  Put that thing back in your holster!”

My sister also ordered a gyro pita sandwich, and we were messing with the word “gyro” while we were talking.  Gyro this and gyro that, and we were laughing a lot.  Hey, that kind of thing happens.  The funny thing is the waiter got into it too.  And he told the two other waiters what we were doing and pretty soon everyone was saying “gyro” with their sentences.  Some other patrons got into it too!  After a bit everyone was laughing, well, almost.  A couple at one table near us were not too thrilled.  Big deal.  But we toned it down.

After we finished eatring and the waiter brought us the check, he asked me if I lived in town or was visiting.  I said I lived here.  So he said, “I like you, you’re fun and funny.  And I think we are of the same persuasion.”  And he added, “If you are not, do you think I could persuade you?”  We laughed and I gave him my number.  And guess what?  He never called!  LOL!  And we had such a good time in the restaurant.  Sheesh!  I thought of going back to the restaurant but hey, he came on to me mostly and asked for my number which I gave him and he didn’t call.  So fuggetaboutit.  And the gyros weren’t all that tasty anyway, ha.

What did I do?  Well, I just went onto GayBearDating.com and I found several guys who could help me forget Larry the unreliable gyro waiter guy.  I chose two and they chose me.  And get this, we made it a 3-some.  My first.  It was great and I never would have had that happen had I not been incentivized by a guy who didn’t come through when push came to shove.  Go figure.  Larry who?

~ Alabama, it figures, for now

Last month, United States District Court Judge of Alabama’s Southern District, Callie V. S. Grenade, a George W. Bush appointee, declared prohibitions against same-sex marriage unconstitutional, and licenses were to start being issued February 9th.  Defying the District Court Judge and common sense, on the 8th, Alabama’s Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy S. Moore ordered Alabama’s probate judges not to issue marriage licenses to gay couples who were awaiting licenses and expecting to marry.  Most of the state’s counties refused to issue licenses, but 20 out of the 67 did so.  Alabama is the country’s 37th US state that legalized gay marriage.

Look, I could go into Roy Moore’s history as a bible-thumping Neanderthal, which he is, and I could pontificate here how he is so behind the times, but to what end?  We know and are confident that the federal judiciary trumps the state judiciary and that “state’s rights” advocates like Moore will eventually fail.  Nearly one third of the Alabama’s counties defied him.  And he is reminding many of former Alabama governor George Wallace and his blocking the door to a public school trying to stop desegregation in the 60’s.  That didn’t work then and Moore’s nonsense won’t now.  By the way, to his credit, Wallace changed and actually became a positive advocate for civil rights for blacks.  I don’t see Moore seeing the light anytime soon.

Last week on Monday the 9th, the US Supreme Court refused to grant a request from Alabama’s Republican attorney general to keep same-sex weddings on hold until that court rules later this year whether laws banning gay marriage violate the US Constitution.  So on Thursday, Judge Grenade ordered Mobile County Probate Court Judge Don Davis to issue marriage licenses.  Davis’ attorney said the probate judge wanted guidance being there were conflicting orders.  He got it.  Within an hour of the order, licenses were being issued.  The other counties’ probate judges will eventually cave whether they are ordered to do so or not.  And the ruling from the US Supreme Court is expected to cement that laws banning gay marriage are unconstitutional.

For those of us in the great (?) State of Alabama, you will get your licenses.  Till you do, if you don’t already have a significant other, if you want one, go find one.  Whether it is for a short-term fling, or a long-term thing, it is no one’s business but your own.  We encourage you to find your love, or even your “like.”  Here is a pretty good place to start – GayBearDating.com.  Defy those living in the past.  Make your own future.  Find your guy and love him any way you want.  Very soon we all know, all the desperate attempts to curtail our progress will stop.  Go celebrate and have fun knowing that.

~ Valentine’s Day

So for Valentine’s Day, I wanted to make plans for my past boyfriend.  And he wanted to make plans for me.  This was five years ago; it came out on a Sunday.  We would both take the Monday off, so we made it a Sunday and a Monday thing.  Why not a Saturday – Sunday thing.  Because we wanted it to be meaningful and figured whatever we wanted to do would be among crowds, so why not take a day off work?

OK, OK what to do, what to do.  We didn’t want to do anything cliché, that would be um, so cliché.  So that dinner thing, well, it would have to be better than that.  Here is how the two days went.  Saturday was my day.  I made my guy breakfast in the morning after we slept in.  That was normal.  But I made it a champagne breakfast.  Almost didn’t because I thought it might be cliché, but we had never done it, so I figured OK.  He liked it.  Then we had um, you know and we did some good stuff.  Not once but twice.  Usually, I am OK with one, and one only, but after a bit, it was two.  That was new.  Then for an early dinner, I drove him blindfolded out of the city to a wine-country restaurant he said he wanted to go visit for a long time.  It was nearly an hour away.  And he hated the blindfold, but I let him um, in the car.  We had never ever done that.  And by the way, I don’t recommend it.  In fact it was stupid, actually as at one point I nearly ran off the road.  So you youngsters don’t try this at home.  Or in your car.  Dinner was great, we ate in a Chinese place, his favorite food.  Not mine, but one sacrifices for love, right?  And after that we drove home for a night of happiness.

Sunday, his day.  We showered together, that was nice.  Then he had a caterer come and make breakfast, wow.  It was nice.  Yummy.  All the stuff I like.  Then he told me to put on hiking clothes, and bring my bathing suit.  He took me to the mountains, about two hours away.  Luckily, he didn’t make me wear a blindfold, lol.  He knew I liked hiking and he didn’t much but he went with me as we hiked through some great state park areas.  Big trees, a nice little river, some climbing.  We went swimming in the river and ate lunch by the stream sitting on a rock.  It was nice.

Then we headed back home, and on the ay, stopped at the worst dive I had ever seen, for dinner.  Certainly not cliché, lol.  So all in all, it was a nice fun and romantic couple days.

Some of my friends don’t do the Valentine’s Day thing aside from taking advantage of the comraderie and alocohol that goes with it at the clubs.  And the drag shows, and the dancing.  They go for the fun but they don’t do the romantic things around the fun offered by the clubs.  And that’s OK.  Get your pleasure when you can and at whatever speed you want.  Guys, if you want to meet someone before V Day, you can do it very easily, even in one night, by using any of the free gay dating websites we reviewed here.  A good one is GayBearDating.com.  If you will be alone on Saturday and you want someone to be with, get going on the site tonight, and in no time Cupid’s arrow will hit the two of you and you will find love.  Good luck.

~ The stacks

Hey, there are lots of ways to find someone gay to date, none easier really than on gay dating sites.  But there are other ways too, although one must be careful today.  I remember years ago when I was in college I had an assignment to do with my bio course.  We were able to choose from a bunch of topics about which to write and because of my sexuality I decided to write about Gay Attraction – By Birth or By Choice.  I won’t get into what I wrote, that is not relevant to this story, although my passion with the topic had me work hard and I did get an A.  What was a good byproduct of the assignment was my using the library to do research and what happened there.

I had made an outline on how I wanted to approach my topic and so I knew the direction, scholarly place to scholarly place I wanted to go.  My first destination was the computer to look for sources, and then the stacks for those super fancy scholarly references.  It was my first time upstairs at the stacks and I needed help in finding things.  There was a guy named Pete who was the library tech (they called him a tech, go figure) and who approached me as I stood in the doorway looking at the colonnades of books both in awe and fear.  Pete looked like your average college kid, like me.  He was thin, about 5’ 10”, with brown curly hair and eyes, and he was wearing black jeans and a button down dark blue shirt.  I thought, nice getup.

Pete said, “I can tell you are overwhelmed.  Can I help in any way?”  I replied, “You could tell?”  He said, “Your confusion is written all over your face.”  We both chuckled and he told me the first time he went into the stacks area he was terrified.  It was his job to be all over that place and know eventually where everything was and he was worried he wouldn’t be able to do it.  But he became an expert and in not too long a time period.  Now as a senior he knew where every book and journal lurked on the shelves

I explained to Pete what I needed to do and he said, “Hmm, very interesting.”  I asked him why and he said, “I have a particular interest in your assignment.”  So it was easy to see he was like me.  And that helped.  Because we had the same life experiences and passions and because he was the perfect guy in the perfect place who knew exactly what I would need to complete my assignment.  I couldn’t have been luckier.  Pete looked at my outline, made a couple suggestions and then because there was no one else who needed him, took me from bookshelf to bookshelf to get everything I needed.  It was great!

I had all I needed and proceeded to get to work with my task, but before Pete walked away, I asked him if I could reward him in some way for all his help.  He said, “I thought you’d never ask.”  Anyway, Pete and I got together and we dated on and off through the semester, his last.  I don’t know where he is now but the memories are great.  Hey, if you want to find a nice guy for fun and/or more and you don’t want to spend hours in a library looking for him, lol, go here – GayBearDating.com.  Enjoy!