~ Queer, yes or no

So is the word “queer” offensive or not?  Great way to start a column, right?  But hey, I have heard some complaints that we use the word on this site.  I have also heard many, many kudos that we do.  There is a fine line I think between what is or is becoming politically correct and what is not.  We here decided to try and be sympathetic to all views and also to be sensitive to words and thoughts.  At the same time, we didn’t want to go too far one way or the other if we thought some were just being too sensitive and even bullying in what they thought was gospel.  We did research and we talked to a lot of people and weighed all factors before we got underway.  We also fine-tuned as we thought necessary.  Things can change, people can change, and we can adjust if needed.  We are not rigid here and we try hard to do things right.

So back to queer.  Is the word offensive?  Derogatory?  Insulting?  “Queer” back in the 16th century, originally meant unusual or different and even now you can sometimes hear it used that way.  In the late 19th century, the word started being used to identify gay people.  At that time it was deemed quite derogatory.  In the late 1980’s, gay activists and scholars “reclaimed” the term to use it as an identity for the gay community, and for some specifically those in the gay community who would not conform to what was becoming a gay political identity as gay people became more accepted and as gay-related violence and other gay-related issues made the news.  Many find it a term of empowerment.  Others say that because of its origins and also because of how some have used it for a type of gay radicalism, the word should not be used.

At one of my first rallies in support of those who had HIV and against gay discrimination, I first heard the protest slogan, “We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it,” shouted by members of the group, Queer Nation.  That was shocking to me at the time, and some of my friends, and so I spent a lot of time talking to three members of the group about the term, queer.  Was it just to shock, to get attention?  And so, perhaps not to be used outside such a type of venue.  Or was the use of that word something more?  Even something prideful.  It was explained to me in a very clear and a times forceful fashion, but with respect, that the term was not just one to irritate and piss people off, but to also make a statement, and was yes, one of pride.  I never forgot hearing the slogan that day and the explanation for it I was given.

It is reminiscent of the song Yankee Doodle.  There are those who say that the song that is best known for the Americans usage of it during the Revolutionary War against the British was actually a British song!  That the British used to sing it to make fun of American soldiers before the war, mocking them, doodle being a derogatory term, like a fool.  You can google it.  During the war, American soldiers used it proudly, especially as they became more and more victorious, and they were only too glad to use it to mock the British’s belief they were a ragtag, useless army.

So there you have it.  Queer was turned around for good, and we believe that.  If you know of someone who dislikes the word, don’t use it.  And you can decide for yourself if you will, of course.  But now you are armed with some information, if you didn’t already know it.  To find an great man who may or may not be happy with the word queer, lol, join GayBearDating.com.  It’s a great gay dating site.

~ Does size matter?

So does size really matter?  That age old question may never go away.  A thousand years from now people may be asking that same question.  Well, people want to know.  A study conducted by a hospital foundation trust in London revealed some interesting information.  The study took data from 20,000 guys in existing studies, no kidding 20,000, on their organs’ length and circumference erect and flaccid.  That’s a lot of penises, even for me!  The results should make many men who don’t measure up feel better about their wangs.  The paper also mentioned that there are guys who get surgery because they feel inadequate and that perhaps this study will assist in their self-esteem where they decide its best not to surgically extend their tools.  That what they are working with is good enough for the job, so to speak.

Average flaccid penis length was 3.58 inches long, and average flaccid girth was 3.66 inches.  The average length for an erect penis was 5.16 inches, that’s right, a touch over 5 inches, and the average girth for that hard hammer was 4.5 inches in circumference.  I bet many of you are surprised.  It is just like women’s body size in that the average lady is not the svelte woman we see in TV and movies and advertising.  The size of the average American woman is 14, not 8 or 10 or even 12.  Google that size for a woman and you will see that perfection in body size and shape for a woman is not the norm.  And so for men, most men are not snake monsters, not even close.  And just like body size does not make the woman, the same applies to men.  One’s prowess need not be what he packs in his pocket.

So guys, straight or gay, don’t get caught up in what you see on the internet or what you hear about from others.  And don’t let anyone make you feel bad if you hear of someone with a package that is super long.  Also, and I know this is cliché, a lot has to do with how you use what you have.  And a good personality trumps all that anyway.  Yes, it is true.  I have found from experience and from talking to many people that what makes the sex better in any relationship, short or long, and when I say short, even for a hookup quickie, it is the ability to communicate, even if for a short time.  It helps both parties get over any jitters, it breaks the ice, it also lets you know if you are with the right person.  And I know, you are saying who cares for just a hookup?  But think about it.  Don’t you think things are more comfortable when one or preferably both of you get along in a personal way before each of you unsheathes your sword?  And once unsheathed, don’t you think the ability to actually make complete and friendly sentences helps?  You know it does.

So if you don’t measure up to your favorite porn star, don’t fret.  You measure up in more ways than you know.  By the way, to find your exceptional guy but with maybe only an average penis like most of you, go join the excellent GayBearDating.com.  Yes, there you will find bears and those who seek them, but the site is loaded with all kinds of wonderful men.  Enjoy!

~ How many is too many?

So this is a crazy story.  I wasn’t there unfortunately or fortunately, I’m not sure what to think about it, but I heard it was wild.  This leather bear who is a regular at one of the clubs I frequent was there last Friday night and he was enjoying himself as were others and they got to talking and boasting about 3-somes and 4-somes and more-somes, lol.  More people got into the chat and they were carrying on and were saying how they wanted to do it or they had done it.  Well, you know what’s next, right?  They all go to leather boy’s place and get it on.  I was told this story by one of the guys there – he says he only watched, yeah right.

So here is what happened.  It started with the leather dude and four other guys who went with him to his place.  He has a big apartment not too far from the club.  They all start getting it on and also call other guys.  Within an hour there were 11 guys there!  I wasn’t sure if I could believe that but the guy who told me the story insisted.  He went into detail as to what went on.

Arms and legs and other things were flying all over the place.  The first five guys started slow apparently.  More drinks, more bravado, dares, and finally clothes coming off and guys getting it on.  One of the guys was a Master and he called his slave up to come over.  Also, when he said he had a slave, two of the other guys said they wanted to be his slaves too and so the Master whipped them with his belt.  That went on for a while as the two new slaves tried doing what the Master told them to so.  Some of it was pretty crazy stuff.  Not just pain, but also humiliation.  Of course while all that went on, leather man was doing his thing with not leather man, lol.  Then more people showed up.  And well, they all got into it as well.

There was this one point where they had a chain of sorts, seven guys all on each other.  And they made a ring according to the story teller.  On the floor, all kinds of connections and in a ring.  Wow!  They did that on purpose.  One guy said hey, “Let’s do this,” and they did.  There were tops and bottoms and those versatile enough to be um, versatile, lol.  Safe sex was practiced.  Oh, when the slave arrived he was dressed up like that gimp in that movie Pulp Fiction, ball gag and all.  The Master then started ordering him around and he was the toy for nearly everyone there.  The craziness started at about 10 PM and went on all night.  And get this.  Someone in the building called the cops because of all the noise.  I am sure it sounded like some kind of riot in there, lol.  When the cops came at about 2 AM, leather guy hushed everyone, and talked to the cops and he was able to convince the cops to leave without making any trouble.  But they had to tone down the noise.  The stereo and TV (showing porn) had their volumes turned down.  And the revelry continued.  What a night!  Who knows what I would have done had I been there.

Lok, you don’t have to get it on like that with multiple partners, unless you want to, of course.  It’s your life and your choice.  But you can at least find one guy, one special guy.  For a casual hookup thing or a long-term thing.  Just find someone, so you can enjoy life a little.  Or a lot.  Get your own leather bear.  And you can find him and he can find you here – GayBearDating.com.

~ Tijuana

One good thing about living in California is that it borders Mexico.  And in Mexico a lot of wild stuff can happen.  I wasn’t sure I would tell this story because I have to finesse what happened because I cannot be explicit here, but I will because it was a crazy thing.

My buddy John and I were looking to do something interesting for a weekend and we decided on going to Mexico.  Tijuana.  We had heard it was wild there so we figured let’s find out if the gay scene was as nutty as people said.  We already knew about the straight scene.  That was legend.  Also, there is a Naval Base in San Diego and lots of guys, including yes, some gay men, hit TJ on the weekends.  Just for the record, John and I were only friends, not lovers.

We planned for a Friday night returning Sunday morning thing, staying at a Holiday Inn Express near downtown.  John found out about some strip bars where he was told things got pretty wild and so we were pretty excited to check that all out.  We left LA at about 4 PM and hit traffic, big shock, almost immediately.  What would normally take 2 hours or so, took nearly 4.  Yuk.  But neither of us could leave any earlier.  After arriving, we had a quick dinner and then went out.  Our plan was to hit a classy place first and then a nasty place, and do that two nights in a row.  I absolutely remember the places and the names but I was told that I cannot give you the names here.  But you can just google the topic and you will be able to find the names.

I won’t tell you about the classy place, you don’t want to hear about that, lol.  The first wild strip bar we hit was mild not wild.  We were told it was too early in the evening and that after midnight it would start going nuts.  So we left and hit the next place, and that was better, but not wild nutty.  We figured we would have to wait till midnight no matter where we went.  So we walked around a bit taking in the sights, even being witness to an accident on Revolution Avenue.  Lots of yelling, lol.

At 12 midnight exactly we went back to that first nasty bar.  And yes indeed it was crazy.  I am told this doesn’t go on anymore, but if you wanted to touch the dancers you could and you could even well, really touch them.  It was wild.  John actually got on the stage himself and took his all clothes off and got groped all over.  And he wasn’t drunk, lol.  I couldn’t believe it.  And he um, well, um.  Other guys did that too.  The dancers were mostly Americans by the way and that was interesting.  They were down-to-earth as well as super nasty, lol.  One guy in particular was off the charts crazy.  And he was a bear.  Huge, hairy man with a very nice beard and damn he was hairy, lol.

We took it easy the next night because we had enough lunacy the night before.  Especially John.  I wish I was allowed to take pics but no way.  Anyway, because of the craziest dancer, the bear, I am mentioning the great site we have reviewed here, GayBearDating.com.  Go check it out and find your own bear dancer, lol.

~ Ready! Set! Action!

Last year, I was invited to a gay porn shoot.  A porn movie director I met at a party asked me if I wanted to watch a film being made.  It took me all of two seconds, one actually, to say, damn yes!  I mean who wouldn’t want to see that.  I think a lot of people have that fantasy.  Straight or gay to watch their kind of preferred action.  So I was given all the particulars on when and where and the very next day, a Saturday, I went to the shoot.  The shoot, lol.  Look at me I am a Hollywood dude.  Well, this was not in Hollywood, but it wasn’t very far away from there.

The filming took place in some old building, nondescript, no studio type thing.  I was shown around by an assistant after I arrived.  Hey, look at me, I’m a VIP!  The guy had a couple offices in his suite and 3 rooms for the action.  One very big room, that had lots of equipment on one side and tables, desks and outfits on the other.  The desks and tables were for food, makeup, the outfits were for men and women; it was obvious the place was used for straight and gay porn.  Another side was for the director and those working and watching.  The last side had a big window with a curtain and a backdrop in front.  There was a big area in the middle that I could see was used for a set.  The two other rooms were smaller sets.  There was a big bed in one, and a Jacuzzi and bathtub/shower in the other.  Nice.

I have seen lots of porn, who hasn’t, well many haven’t but I have.  I was thinking I might recognize a couple guys, but nope.  No one there I knew from anywhere.  And that was OK.  Maybe even better than OK.  I like amateur stuff more than regular glitzy things.  And these guys were amateurs.  The director asked me to sit with him at his desk in the main office when he was interviewing the actors.  He wanted me to see all the aspects of the movie-making, not just the action in the movie.  I was glad; I wanted to see that too.  He had these four guys, two for one movie and two for another, two movies to be made that day.  They looked in their early 20’s, signed release forms, and he covered how much they would make for the different things they would be willing to do.  Needless to say, the more you did, the more you got.  All went for the max, and they were excited to get going.  One guy was someone who had been there before.  He was like to the other guy, don’t worry, I will show you.  There was no nervousness that I could see.  All four guys then took showers in a bathroom off the main office, and when they were ready they came to the main set in bathrobes.

The movie started with two of the guys on the main set.  The film for this shoot I was told was entitled, Blown Bone Zone, lol.  It was about two soldiers, but who cares about the plot.  It took three hours to do this film, to be a 60 minute movie or video.  It was like 98% porn and 2% plot, lol.  But that was fine by me.  I didn’t stay for the second shoot.

I can’t guarantee you will be invited to a porn shoot when you join any one of the sites we review here, lol.  But I can tell you, if you choose your partner wisely, you will be as excited as the guys I saw in that movie.  And then you can make your own movies if you want.  J  Here is a good place to start your ‘acting’ career: GayBearDating.com.  Have fun!

~ Fishing and coming out

As I was going to write this latest blog column, I got a call from a friend who reminded me about a ‘coming out of the closet’ fishing trip I went on a few years ago.  I am not talking about my coming out, I am talking about a buddy of mine and others.  And no, it wasn’t a planned coming out party, lol.  But it turned out that way.

Here is what happened.  It was a week before Labor Day weekend and me and two other guys, Rodney and Jack all of us openly gay, decided to go fishing.  A last hurrah of the summer.  I am not some big fisher guy, or fisherman, or whatever you want to call it, can you tell, lol?  But I wanted out of town and into the woods to relax by a gorgeous lake in the mountains.  If sitting around on the shore or on a boat fishing was the price to pay, then so be it.  My two buddies like fishing, in fact Rodney had a boat.  A really nice one.  I don’t know the brand name, but he named it Rod and Seamen, lol.  And each time we were on that boat we all got wasted.  I had been on it a few times water skiing.  Not much of a water skier, or even a snow skier, and trying to do it drunk is not recommended, but that’s another story.

So these two guys that Rodney knew from his job, a William and Greg, said they wanted to come along.  Rodney was like cool.  We had rented a cabin for the long weekend and the more, the merrier.  We go to the lake in two cars, me, Rodney and Jack in Rodney’s SUV with the boat attached, and William and Greg in another.  As far as I knew they weren’t gay, and I didn’t care one way or the other.  Rodney said he thought they were but they never said anything.  When we arrived, we went shopping for stuff and I took a good look at the two guests.  I had my suspicions and mentioned it to Rodney and Jack.  Jack agreed with me.  “Should be an interesting weekend,” he said with a grin.

Because we got there in the afternoon, we decided just to chill at the shore and not go out with the boat till the next day.  Of course the beer flowed, mostly down our throats, a little down our chins and on our chests the more we knocked them down.  Then a weird thing happened.  Without saying anything, William and Greg went into the cabin.  They didn’t come out for a while.  We knew they were drunk, and we weren’t sure if they went in to throw up or lay down or what.  After about 20 minutes, they come outside and they announce together, “We’re gay!  Like you!”  All was quiet for a moment and then we all burst out laughing.  They also said they were in the cabin proving it, lol.

Then this happened.  Each guy called his parents to tell them they were gay!  They had kept it a secret, at least to their families.  Maybe to others, I didn’t know.  Before they made the calls, I told them they might want to sober up first and then rethink this strategy.  I am all for the honesty, but lucid, un-intoxicated honesty.  Nope, they wanted to tell, saying they wouldn’t have the guts otherwise.  So they did.  Rodney later told me Greg’s parents were cool with the whole thing and they suspected it anyway, but William’s parents are very un-thrilled to say the least.  Oh well.  I do wish it all works out OK.

I hope you enjoyed this tale.  If you want your own um, gay tail, so to speak, please check out GayBearDating.com.  Then go fishing.  🙂

~ Gay marriage

If you are gay, or on top of the news, unless you have been under a rock since about a week ago, you will know that the US Supreme Court will this year be hearing arguments about the Sixth Circuit Court’s decision to uphold four state bans on gay marriage.  The sixth Circuit hears cases for Kentucky, Michigan, Ohio and Tennessee.  Other circuits had struck down gay marriage bans.  Petitioners in four consolidated cases either want to marry in the states governed by the sixth, or they want marriages that have been recognized in other circuit states validated in the sixth.  Justice Anthony Kennedy, as in the past, may again be the deciding vote on what might very well end up being a 5 – 4 decision, one he may very well write, a ruling to overturn the sixth’s decision.  The Defense of Marriage Act or DOMA, has been knocked down again and again and will eventually go away.  This case should put the final nail in the coffin of those trying to halt the inevitable, that gay marriage will be acceptable and accepted throughout the land.

It is interesting that although this is another fight for us, and I know there is great interest, that will only be magnified as it gets closer and closer to the case’s arguments and ruling, I find many that I know are not as fired up as before.  Now don’t get me wrong.  They care, and know what they want and they are happy we may be near the end of this kind of discrimination, but it just doesn’t seem as urgent.

I kind of knew why but I asked some friends, and others who I had never met before, if they were honestly super-interested, and if not, why not.  A total of 20 gay men.  This is not a scientific poll, but I believe if a professional pollster contacted several hundred gays and lesbians, the results would be pretty darn similar.  I know, I know, I only queried (careful, no pun intended) gay men and not lesbian women, but I still think my numbers make sense.

15 were interested but not super-interested.  So I asked the 15 why.  And it makes sense.   9 said, and a few were a bit embarrassed by it, that being things have progressed so well and that the battle for gay marriage was just about done so their worries were dissipating.  4 said they just didn’t have the time to think about it.  2 had more pressing issues happening.  So there you have it.  We have come a long way, almost over in some respects here in the good old USA.  Other countries?  Not so much.

Hey, if you are looking for someone for the short term or even to marry, please click here to see the sites we have reviewed.  Be happy everyone!

~ Gay men like football too

For any straight people reading this, with  the NFL playoffs going on, in fact as of the writing of this piece the 2015 Super Bowl has already been set, I thought I would speak about a misconception and false stereotype, that gay people are not into sports, either playing it or watching.  False.  There are many guys who are not gay who don’t care for sports in the least.  We already know that there are gay ball players, those who have come out, and those who are still in the shadows, but there, trust me.

For each playoff game I go to what basically becomes a sports bar in my gay community enclave.  And the atmosphere there is as rowdy as any sports bar.  If you didn’t know it was a gay bar you would think it was just another place where guys go, and many women as well, to watch ball games.  And as with any sports bar, people drink and cheer and boo and are happy and sad depending on what is happening with the team they like or do not.  People also hook up when they can and wish to.  Just like in any sports bar, especially when there has been a lot of drinking, lol.  Gay and straight do it at our bars.

I remember this one year, when it seemed that was all that was going on.  I won’t go into the game itself or who played but there were no local favorites playing and the game was pretty lousy.  The commercials weren’t all that great either.  So there was more emphasis on finding someone to play with then on looking at the play on the field.  And why not?  That is what goes on in life.  I myself found a great guy and we went back to my place, not even waiting for the postgame show.  We did our own recap.  And I talked to several of my buddies and they told me they had the same experience.  Also, a couple lady friends found a couple guys to play with and they did.  In fact, one married her post Super Bowl lover.

By the way, however you celebrate the game, before or even after, if you want your own hook up there is a site that might tickle your fancy.  You can find your average hook up or even your soulmate if that is you inclination.  Here are two good places to go.  Check out GayBearDating.com.  The site also has non-bear men in it, by the way.  You can find anyone there of any gay lifestyle.  So there you go.  Aside from how we choose to be attracted to someone, something with which we were born, we are the same as everyone else.  So if you had any misconceptions, leave them at the door of the watering hole you will patronize for the big game.  Enjoy the Super Bowl!  And may you find a win in that bar in any way you can.  🙂

~ Jalen, the army bear

I met this black guy, a bear, in a club in West Hollywood last weekend.  Didn’t think I would write about it but I decided to do so.  I mean nothing happened dating-wise, but I did get some value out of the meeting so why not?

I will call the guy, Jalen.  Jalen sat down next to me at the bar and ordered a soda water.  Already interesting.  Soda water?  I looked at him, smiled, and asked him, “Why not a drink?  You are not an alcoholic, are you?”  “Nope,” he said, smiling back.  “I just don’t drink.”  “How come?”  I queried.  “I never liked the taste of alcohol.  I did try it when I was like 15, but didn’t care for it.  Tried again when I went to the army, but still didn’t like it, and I figured, so what?  Probably better off.  I have enough bad habits, lol.”  “It doesn’t have to be a bad habit,” I answered.  “With me,” he said, “it would be.”  Then we introduced ourselves.

Jalen was on leave because his sister was getting married.  We talked about a lot of things.  He was in his second year, was a corporal and was stationed at Fort Hood in Texas.  That was where in 2009, some deranged guy killed a bunch of people and where some veteran killed a few people last year.  I knew about those things but I didn’t know that there was a prostitution ring scandal like half a year ago.  Go figure.  Now Fort Hood is a big place.  He said it’s like a city with some 60,000 or so people overall.  That is big.

I asked him if he had come out.  “What makes you think I’m gay?” Jalen asked with a devilish smile on his face.  “Well, let’s see.  You are in a gay bar in West Hollywood.  Just a guess,” I replied.  He said he hadn’t come out, even though others have.  He just didn’t want the hassle, or even if there would be no hassle, any looks from anyone.  He said he would generally keep to himself, go out with the guys every once in a while, but he sort of had a reputation as a straight shooter, and him not drinking helped with that view, so he wasn’t given a hard time about not doing some of the crazy things soldiers do when they aren’t um, soldiering.

Did Jalen do any dating?  He said no.  He felt comfortable waiting till he left the service.  He has plans for college maybe even law school in the future.  He didn’t want complications while serving Uncle Sam.  We talked for like an hour and a half.  I really liked Jalen and I admired him.  Serving his country and he was such a good guy, a decent guy, and smart and good-looking too.  I gave Jalen my number and told him to get in touch whenever he was in town.

People, if you want to meet a Jalen who is dating, please go to GayBearDating.com.

~ What’s app with that?

As apps become more prevalent, they have also become more of a pain.  That is sort of what happens with anything really.  When something works or becomes interesting or lucrative, with the good comes the bad.

For gay men, one of the bigger issues with the “swipe” him away mobile phone applications, is one of racism believe it or not.  There have been complaints that white gay men are avoiding black gay men.  And there are other race problems, with people complaining about comments and innuendos.  Look, this stuff happens everywhere including dating sites, so it would be unfair to say gay app dating sites are immune to bigotry.  But the online dating sites differ in that there is more profile preparation and many more ways to find a mate, so that things are not as quick, and as limited as the usual apps.

Apps have also been used for criminal activity.  Hard crime and soft crime.  I am talking even to commit murder.  I don’t want to get into it too much, but you can look it up.  It has happened only once that was made public but once is enough.  The bigger crime problem are escorts and prostitutes finding their way into the apps-ophere.  Some apps, gay included are seeing tons of hookers playing the real person only to try and take advantage of the unsuspecting user.  Again, this stuff can happen anywhere and on any dating site, but it is now a big part of app issues.

And speaking of hookers, much like how CraigsList had become a haven of fake ads, so that it seems most are garbage that go to bots that send out replies to inquiries, hoping some poor sap buys into some porn website, many apps have now seen a proliferation of “hooker bots” roaming around.  App programmers are now having a hard time trying to stay ahead of the nonsense.

I am not saying don’t use apps.  Use them, but be careful.  And it is also not good to put your eggs in one basket.   Know what you might get with the apps, some good and bad.  But also, use the old traditional dating sites to find your someone or “someones,” lol.  Want a fling, or just something long-term?  Go to GayBearDating.com.  And you don’t have to be a bear or want a bear to find anyone there. Trust me.  So create your own portfolio of places to go to find your man.  You will be happier.