~ Gay marriage

If you are gay, or on top of the news, unless you have been under a rock since about a week ago, you will know that the US Supreme Court will this year be hearing arguments about the Sixth Circuit Court’s decision to uphold four state bans on gay marriage.  The sixth Circuit hears cases for Kentucky, Michigan, Ohio and Tennessee.  Other circuits had struck down gay marriage bans.  Petitioners in four consolidated cases either want to marry in the states governed by the sixth, or they want marriages that have been recognized in other circuit states validated in the sixth.  Justice Anthony Kennedy, as in the past, may again be the deciding vote on what might very well end up being a 5 – 4 decision, one he may very well write, a ruling to overturn the sixth’s decision.  The Defense of Marriage Act or DOMA, has been knocked down again and again and will eventually go away.  This case should put the final nail in the coffin of those trying to halt the inevitable, that gay marriage will be acceptable and accepted throughout the land.

It is interesting that although this is another fight for us, and I know there is great interest, that will only be magnified as it gets closer and closer to the case’s arguments and ruling, I find many that I know are not as fired up as before.  Now don’t get me wrong.  They care, and know what they want and they are happy we may be near the end of this kind of discrimination, but it just doesn’t seem as urgent.

I kind of knew why but I asked some friends, and others who I had never met before, if they were honestly super-interested, and if not, why not.  A total of 20 gay men.  This is not a scientific poll, but I believe if a professional pollster contacted several hundred gays and lesbians, the results would be pretty darn similar.  I know, I know, I only queried (careful, no pun intended) gay men and not lesbian women, but I still think my numbers make sense.

15 were interested but not super-interested.  So I asked the 15 why.  And it makes sense.   9 said, and a few were a bit embarrassed by it, that being things have progressed so well and that the battle for gay marriage was just about done so their worries were dissipating.  4 said they just didn’t have the time to think about it.  2 had more pressing issues happening.  So there you have it.  We have come a long way, almost over in some respects here in the good old USA.  Other countries?  Not so much.

Hey, if you are looking for someone for the short term or even to marry, please click here to see the sites we have reviewed.  Be happy everyone!

~ Over 30? Stay out!

A firestorm was created when a fairly famous online gay magazine writer said that guys 30 and up should stop hitting the bars and clubs and act their age.  He called it the Peter Pan syndrome.  Hmmm.  Lots of questions along with objections went around cyberspace.  First of all, who is he to decide when someone should quit the bar scene?  Second, why stop going at 29?  29?!?!  Sheesh.  And what about, “You are as young as you feel?”  Life is short, why make it shorter by limiting your pleasure and halting your fun?  And again, 29??  C’mon!

Needless to say, many were pissed.  Some argued that no straight person would say such a thing to straight people.  Well, I have heard it by straights for straights, so that’s not true.  But while some agreed, most were very vocal about their disagreement.  There are arguments for either side but if we all believe that people should be free to socialize as they see fit, then doesn’t that also mean if you are say, 35 or 45 or even 65, if you want to go out and to a club and drink and dance, then by all mean go and do it?  If someone that age doesn’t want to anymore, no one is forcing him to go.  And if someone in a bar at 23 doesn’t like looking at a 53 year old man enjoying himself then he shouldn’t look.  This is a free country.

I have asked a number of people here in the office what they think.  I am always interested in others’ opinions.  That helps me have a better understanding of whatever topic I find interesting.  I am not a know-it-all and I don’t pretend to know what anyone should do with their lives.  I truly believe people should pursue happiness as this country’s founding fathers brilliantly wrote in the Declaration of Independence.  I was a bit surprised by what I heard, but thinking about it, I am sure it had to with age.

Generally, the younger of the bunch thought that the older guys should stay home.  Having forgotten that it was the older guys who paved the way for the younger ingrates to go freely to bars without as much danger as there used to be, they just found it weird.  Maybe because there are always long lines to get in to good bars and they don’t want to wait?  The older people said the Peter Pan thing was crap.  That like me, anyone should do whatever they feel comfortable in doing.  What do you think?

Enjoy life!  Do what you can to make every free moment count.  This is a dating website blog, and I am glad to write about dating, give advice, talk about timely topics, and all the while promoting good, clean fun for the gay community.  I don’t care what age you are and you shouldn’t care either, whether you are 18 or 80.  Have fun and find a mate as well if you wish.  Please go here GayBoyz.com to do so.  Thanks for listening.

~ Gay men like football too

For any straight people reading this, with  the NFL playoffs going on, in fact as of the writing of this piece the 2015 Super Bowl has already been set, I thought I would speak about a misconception and false stereotype, that gay people are not into sports, either playing it or watching.  False.  There are many guys who are not gay who don’t care for sports in the least.  We already know that there are gay ball players, those who have come out, and those who are still in the shadows, but there, trust me.

For each playoff game I go to what basically becomes a sports bar in my gay community enclave.  And the atmosphere there is as rowdy as any sports bar.  If you didn’t know it was a gay bar you would think it was just another place where guys go, and many women as well, to watch ball games.  And as with any sports bar, people drink and cheer and boo and are happy and sad depending on what is happening with the team they like or do not.  People also hook up when they can and wish to.  Just like in any sports bar, especially when there has been a lot of drinking, lol.  Gay and straight do it at our bars.

I remember this one year, when it seemed that was all that was going on.  I won’t go into the game itself or who played but there were no local favorites playing and the game was pretty lousy.  The commercials weren’t all that great either.  So there was more emphasis on finding someone to play with then on looking at the play on the field.  And why not?  That is what goes on in life.  I myself found a great guy and we went back to my place, not even waiting for the postgame show.  We did our own recap.  And I talked to several of my buddies and they told me they had the same experience.  Also, a couple lady friends found a couple guys to play with and they did.  In fact, one married her post Super Bowl lover.

By the way, however you celebrate the game, before or even after, if you want your own hook up there is a site that might tickle your fancy.  You can find your average hook up or even your soulmate if that is you inclination.  Here are two good places to go.  Check out GayBearDating.com.  The site also has non-bear men in it, by the way.  You can find anyone there of any gay lifestyle.  So there you go.  Aside from how we choose to be attracted to someone, something with which we were born, we are the same as everyone else.  So if you had any misconceptions, leave them at the door of the watering hole you will patronize for the big game.  Enjoy the Super Bowl!  And may you find a win in that bar in any way you can.  🙂

~ Jalen, the army bear

I met this black guy, a bear, in a club in West Hollywood last weekend.  Didn’t think I would write about it but I decided to do so.  I mean nothing happened dating-wise, but I did get some value out of the meeting so why not?

I will call the guy, Jalen.  Jalen sat down next to me at the bar and ordered a soda water.  Already interesting.  Soda water?  I looked at him, smiled, and asked him, “Why not a drink?  You are not an alcoholic, are you?”  “Nope,” he said, smiling back.  “I just don’t drink.”  “How come?”  I queried.  “I never liked the taste of alcohol.  I did try it when I was like 15, but didn’t care for it.  Tried again when I went to the army, but still didn’t like it, and I figured, so what?  Probably better off.  I have enough bad habits, lol.”  “It doesn’t have to be a bad habit,” I answered.  “With me,” he said, “it would be.”  Then we introduced ourselves.

Jalen was on leave because his sister was getting married.  We talked about a lot of things.  He was in his second year, was a corporal and was stationed at Fort Hood in Texas.  That was where in 2009, some deranged guy killed a bunch of people and where some veteran killed a few people last year.  I knew about those things but I didn’t know that there was a prostitution ring scandal like half a year ago.  Go figure.  Now Fort Hood is a big place.  He said it’s like a city with some 60,000 or so people overall.  That is big.

I asked him if he had come out.  “What makes you think I’m gay?” Jalen asked with a devilish smile on his face.  “Well, let’s see.  You are in a gay bar in West Hollywood.  Just a guess,” I replied.  He said he hadn’t come out, even though others have.  He just didn’t want the hassle, or even if there would be no hassle, any looks from anyone.  He said he would generally keep to himself, go out with the guys every once in a while, but he sort of had a reputation as a straight shooter, and him not drinking helped with that view, so he wasn’t given a hard time about not doing some of the crazy things soldiers do when they aren’t um, soldiering.

Did Jalen do any dating?  He said no.  He felt comfortable waiting till he left the service.  He has plans for college maybe even law school in the future.  He didn’t want complications while serving Uncle Sam.  We talked for like an hour and a half.  I really liked Jalen and I admired him.  Serving his country and he was such a good guy, a decent guy, and smart and good-looking too.  I gave Jalen my number and told him to get in touch whenever he was in town.

People, if you want to meet a Jalen who is dating, please go to GayBearDating.com.

~ What’s app with that?

As apps become more prevalent, they have also become more of a pain.  That is sort of what happens with anything really.  When something works or becomes interesting or lucrative, with the good comes the bad.

For gay men, one of the bigger issues with the “swipe” him away mobile phone applications, is one of racism believe it or not.  There have been complaints that white gay men are avoiding black gay men.  And there are other race problems, with people complaining about comments and innuendos.  Look, this stuff happens everywhere including dating sites, so it would be unfair to say gay app dating sites are immune to bigotry.  But the online dating sites differ in that there is more profile preparation and many more ways to find a mate, so that things are not as quick, and as limited as the usual apps.

Apps have also been used for criminal activity.  Hard crime and soft crime.  I am talking even to commit murder.  I don’t want to get into it too much, but you can look it up.  It has happened only once that was made public but once is enough.  The bigger crime problem are escorts and prostitutes finding their way into the apps-ophere.  Some apps, gay included are seeing tons of hookers playing the real person only to try and take advantage of the unsuspecting user.  Again, this stuff can happen anywhere and on any dating site, but it is now a big part of app issues.

And speaking of hookers, much like how CraigsList had become a haven of fake ads, so that it seems most are garbage that go to bots that send out replies to inquiries, hoping some poor sap buys into some porn website, many apps have now seen a proliferation of “hooker bots” roaming around.  App programmers are now having a hard time trying to stay ahead of the nonsense.

I am not saying don’t use apps.  Use them, but be careful.  And it is also not good to put your eggs in one basket.   Know what you might get with the apps, some good and bad.  But also, use the old traditional dating sites to find your someone or “someones,” lol.  Want a fling, or just something long-term?  Go to GayBearDating.com.  And you don’t have to be a bear or want a bear to find anyone there. Trust me.  So create your own portfolio of places to go to find your man.  You will be happier.

~ Golden Globes and Jorge

So I wanted to go out tonight.  I don’t generally have a late night drinking and carousing on a Sunday night ahead of a workday, but I stayed in Friday and Saturday nights so I was egging to do something.  It didn’t have to be a bar or club, could have been a movie – there is some good stuff out there now – or a nice dinner, even a not-so-nice dinner, lol.  I was going to go with my buddies Carl and Shelly and her friend Bette, but they wanted to watch the Golden Globes.  Sheesh.  Now I have nothing against TV awards shows, but I so wanted to spread my wings and fly a bit.  But no, I couldn’t.  At least with them.  They did invite me over and I almost went, but I decided to go with what I wanted to do which was hit the town by myself.  Sounds a bit sad, I know, but hey, why not?  I don’t think there is anything wrong with it.

Before heading out, it was still a bit early, I decided to see if I could find someone online at the dating site I use a lot, GayBearDating.com, to try and get a date, yes, even on such short notice, because I have made it happen before, more than once.  Because I speak Spanish I clicked over from the English-speaking to the Spanish-speaking site.  I live for thrills.  🙂  My profile gets many views and I get a good amount of interest and I saw that 2 guys were Latino.  So I contacted the one who sent me a note just a bit earlier in the day because he lived in the same community.  Jorge was online and he immediately get back to me.  He also said he was bored and had nada to do.

So Jorge met me on the corner near my place and we walked and talked for a while.  The night was cool but after a few minutes we didn’t even notice.  The conversation flowed nicely as we chatted about family and work and entertainment and TV and movies, you name it.  We walked and talked a long time.  We didn’t even care about going to a club to drink or dance or whatever.  We just had such a good time.  It was as if Jorge and I knew each other for years.  I was so glad I decided to go out and I am so glad I was able to use GayBearDating.com to find someone so fast.  Sometimes as all of you know I am sure, no plans turns into good plans, and when things seem to not go anywhere, they work out.  After like I think more than an hour, yes, longer than an hour, of walking a chatting, we figured let’s go to a club.  I went to Jorge’s choice, one I didn’t usually frequent because it was more a quiet place to be than a wild, loud place.  So we enter the club and we go to the bar to sit down and say let’s see what’s on the large monitor and watch a bit.  And after the commercial, what comes on?  The Golden Globes, lol!  So we watch a bit of it and I actually enjoyed it.  But I also have a new friend, Jorge.  Use the dating site.  It works!

~ What do I do?

I am wondering about something.  Usually I know who to date and when.  I mean it’s my job to know and to give advice.  But this time I am a bit confused and unsure.

I met this guy on GayBearDating.com which was easy to do because it’s a great site.  He contacted me and for a bit it sort of cooled, but then he got back to me, we talked and decided to meet.  The guy was actually married, with 3 kids, and he had not come out yet but lived a second gay life.  Because of the kind of job he had, he could be out living his real life for a few hours at a time.  And he did.  He used the website of course to find people and he frequented the usual spots to meet guys or meet up with whoever was his latest desire.  The guy looked great on his profile and he said all the right things about what I wanted.  And to him, I did the same.

So we met at a club, had a blast and we did take it to the next level if you get my gist.  And we have had a couple more dates.  Now for me, I am really just looking to have fun.  And I don’t judge anyway.  Married, single, people should be happy and live their lives.  Perhaps others will be quick to object to my friend’s decisions, or at least feel he should be open and still play while married.  I personally think it’s time for all the judging to stop.  For gay or straight or whatever.  Being judgmental is so old.

Now the guy wants to be with me, at least to try and see how it goes.  Maybe it will be a long-term thing, maybe not.  And he says he is willing to settle down with the right gender finally.  But my dilemma is this.  Aside from the fact that I don’t know if that is for me at this time, even if I decide to go along, I don’t want that pressure on me.  If I am the reason he finally comes out and it doesn’t work or worse, it causes all kinds of problems, well, I don’t need that kind of guilt.  I truly do believe people need to be honest with themselves and others, but I also believe in a strong family unit and his kids are young.  So the whole thing has me wondering.  I think it’s good he will finally be real, but I don’t need the headache and worry if it gets messed up.  What would you do?

~ It’s black and white, that black or white does not matter

It is incredible that in this day and age, after all the gay community has gone through over so many, many years that there would be yet another hurdle gay men have to jump and regrettably it is within our own community.  I am talking about bigotry between the races.  Yes, gay white men and gay black men having racial biases against one another.  Think I am joking?  If you know enough than you know that this racism exists.  So why am I bringing it up?

Well, a good buddy of mine just went through this nonsense and he is still stinging from it.  He is black and he found a white guy at a library of all places, and they got to talking and dating.  A couple of the white guy’s white gay friends didn’t like it.  And so, they were downright mean and nasty. One guy even in front of others, and I was there to see, made a derogatory racial comment, not being ashamed in the least to show his ignorance.  What the hell is going on?  Have we not suffered enough bigotry that we have to act like the worst that we have endured?

Being gay is not just a lifestyle, people.  It is awareness.  And it is even a privilege, because it heightens our senses to discrimination of any form, anywhere.  We are still fighting the good fight and losing our lives in Muslim and African countries just because of who we are.  Should we act with the same bigotry amongst ourselves because of who we date?

Years ago, many didn’t like race-mixing with straight relationships.  That era is over for straights. Shouldn’t it be for gays?  Grow up people.

This site has a couple gay personals sites and I can tell you that all of them have all races and niche within niche gay lifestyle choices.  Take a look and I bet you will find a nice guy whether he is white or black or blue or turquoise.  Here is one you can try: GayBearDating.com.  Find your lover or friend and don’t worry about skin color.

~ Yikes! A story by a guest writer

A month ago, someone I met at a bar told me about a date he had with this guy he had met on a list site, that will remain nameless.  I asked him to write a few paragraphs about it and so this is his story, by him, a guest writer.


As I sucked down my second Margarita, this small guy sits down next to me and says, “Hey that looks great.  I think I will get one of those.”  So he orders it and we begin to chat.  I had just come off a break-up and I could use the company.  Pete, I will call him that but it wasn’t his name, tells me he also was nursing a bad parting of sorts.  He was bi and he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years and wanted to try something different, hence his visit to the gay bar I frequented.

Pete was very blunt.  I mean he came right out and said, “Look, I know this is very forward but I haven’t had sex with a guy in 3 years and I miss it something fierce, and I would love to do something with you.  What do you think?”  I was like, yikes!  Talk about forward.  Look, I like fun just like the next guy, and I have had my share of one-night things, and no doubt I would have more, I guess.  But this was so forward, I didn’t know how to react.  I didn’t come out and say, “No! What’s wrong with you?!”  I actually sat quiet for a few moments and said, “Well, let me think about this.”  And then we both broke out laughing.

Turns out the guy is funny and fun.  We talked for like 2 hours, about his work and mine, about family and friends.  About all kinds of things.  We then left together and walked nearly a mile, talking again.  We actually did not go to anyone’s place for um, after-walking you know what.  We made a date to meet the next night and we did.  And we did the same thing and again, no hanky panky.  Just yet.  We made a date to meet again at the bar 2 days later on Friday night.  And get this.  As soon as he shows up, he says in his blunt way, “You know what?  Let’s get out of here, go to my place and do things that would get us arrested in a Middle East country.”  So we did!  Yikes!

So that was my new friend’s contribution to this site, his story about his encounter.   I liked it and will do more in the future I think. Here is a great site you can try that is loaded for bear.  With bears!  And others too: GayBearDating.com.

~ Tom

Last month I was shopping at my local supermarket when I ran into a guy from college I hadn’t seen in years. He looked exactly the same, well not exactly, but pretty close. I mean we all look a bit different when we get older. I always want to tell people who say to me, wow, you look exactly the same as you did 10 years ago, that they are full of it. But I am nice, so I don’t. But I digress.

Anyway, Tom was in my Bio class and we were also lab partners. When we met I didn’t think he was gay. I have pretty good gaydar and had it back then but I missed that one somehow. So I never broached the subject even though I thought the guy was super hot. So we went a whole semester working together, even doing a project together, and neither of us made a move or said anything remotely connected to our lifestyle. I didn’t hide who I was mind you, with me it’s obvious. But we just never said anything about anything. The semester ended and I rarely saw the guy. Sometimes a hi, how are ya in the quad, but otherwise not much. This girl, my sister’s friend told me after the semester was over that Tom was gay. I was like why didn’t he say anything? Well, I didn’t either, so I am just as guilty. (By the way, I got an A in the class, lol.)

So here was Tom standing there with no kidding, a banana in his hand. He didn’t see me approach but as I did, I said, “Hey, is that a banana in your hand or are you just happy to see me.” He first looked puzzled and then a big grin came over his face and he grabbed my hand and arm and said, “Still the jokester I see.” “Yep, that is me,” I told him. I then just came right out and said I had heard he was gay after the course. When Tom said he was I asked why didn’t he tell me? He said he was shy and had just had a bad breakup. Anyway, long story short, Tom was again in a relationship, a happy one, and so, after a few more words, we went our separate ways. But I did give the guy my number and told him to call me should he be free.

And hey, here is a great place you can find a guy, and it is in English, Spanish and Portuguese – GayBearDating.com.